I had no idea there was going to be a “Part Two” when I wrote the original. But here we are.
Guys! What I wrote about in the original post almost happened (If you’ve just started reading my blog, you can find the original here). I almost gave up. My blog hit a bump in the road and I wavered. I have been counting the days since my last post, but couldn’t bring myself to write anything. And here’s why.
Do you ever have an idea or vision of how you want something to play out. Or how you want something to look? We’ve all seen those “10 epic pinterest fails” lists of people who try to create or recreate something amazing that they’ve seen and have come up so very embarrassingly short.
When something doesn’t quite seem to be turning out the way I had envisioned, I immediately start a quiet downward spiral. Most of the time, when this happens nobody can see this slippery slope of doubt and over-thinking. It sneaks up on you. Even I find myself being surprised by its onset. I try to fight through it. Find a way around it. Fix it. But more times than not, it gets the better of me. I can’t get past my shortcoming.
Let me give you an example: Kruno’s parents had been looking forward to a traditional American Thanksgiving. And I had the added pressure (all internal) of transporting the meal to Boston the next day to celebrate with JJ, my dad, and aunt Nanette. I had imagined a Norman Rockwell-esq presentation at both my house and the hospital. However realistic or unrealistic it was. I had a vision. I prepped two separate turkeys, one for each day. I timed out everything perfectly and at the second basting session, when I removed the roaster lid, all I saw was bone. I had cooked both turkeys upside down. Kruno’s mom was beside me to watch as I prepared the most important meal of year. She saw the horror on my face and the tears in my eyes. The Norman Rockwell scene in my mind disintegrated just as the bottom half of the turkey’s had. Lots of expletives started flowing out of my mouth. Along with sentences like “I ruined it, I ruined Thanksgiving.” and “How did I mess this up so badly?”
The turkey was delicious. I didn’t ruin Thanksgiving. It just wasn’t presentation worthy. But, that small detail, the vision of this beautiful whole turkey being presented on my grandmothers antique turkey platter, and not being able to have that image come to fruition, was enough to send me down that spiraling slippery slope.
So, back to my blogging bump in the road.
Two weeks ago I had an idea. I wanted my blog to have it’s very own page for recipes. My grandmother was a fantastic cook, my mother and aunt inherited her intuition and I like to think that I did too. I reached out to my family for their copies of her recipes and was ready to start editing in a couple of days. I logged on. I fiddled with the settings in WordPress, sought assistance through the handy “chat now” feature and researched everything I could find on relevent topics. For days and days I tried to figure it out. I knew how I wanted my site to look, and how I wanted it to read. But everything I read and all the helpful chat people told me what I wanted wasn’t possible. I couldn’t get passed it. I’ve had several posts I’ve wanted to publish, but because of this hiccup, I couldn’t. I even turned off my Facebook setting, so my friends couldn’t see what I was doing. I didn’t want them to see if I made a mistake or if something looked weird.
Well, I figured it out today. I fought my way up that damn slippery slope. I rose to the top and compromised on my vision. My site is still under construction, but the template it set. Content will be added soon. And I’m happy. Not just with the website, but that I didn’t give up. I’ve given up on far too many things. Too many ideas and projects. But not today.