Tag: Self-Care

Please. Do not tell me what self-care is and what it is not.

There are a few posts going around that have inevitably infiltrated my social media newsfeed, seemingly dozens of times over. They all talk about how going to the grocery store or target, by yourself doesn’t count as “Self-Care.”And I tried to get on board with it. I did. But something just didn’t sit right with me.

And I figured out why…Because it does count. If you want it to, it does. If it makes you feel good and rejuvenated….It does. Stop telling me it doesn’t. Stop forcing the idea that it isn’t enough. Stop telling me that I’m not doing “self-care” right.

With that being said, I’m not you. Everyone is different. Everyone has different needs to be fulfilled. None more or less valid than the other. So, if it doesn’t do it for you; bring you peace contentment..than by all means, pursue other endeavors. No judgement. You do you. But leave me out of it.

Now, the basis of the posts I’ve read is that these tasks are chores. And performing a chore for your family doesn’t count. And if you do take time for yourself you feel guilty for leaving your family.

I feel guilt for everything. I say “I’m sorry” more often than your average Canadian. And I’ve closely, introspectively thought about this for days. And when I think of the “guilt” they are referencing, in context, to me, it more closely resembles empathy. It is a weird, cross-breed of two traits that humans can possess. And it deserves a word in and of itself. We’ll it guiltathy.

I don’t feel guilt for leaving my children to be by myself for a little while, necessarily. I more so feel empathy for the person watching my children. Not that they are a couple of heathens, but watching children is hard. Two kids, ages 2 and 5 months is tricky. I know! I’ve been there. Every day. And that’s where the empathy comes from, right? You pray that they are good. You hope that they take their naps. And use their nice words and listening ears. You will them to be the little angels you know they are when you’re not around. Because you know how hard it is when they aren’t.

The other day, both kids went to daycare for the first time. We just started sending our 5 month old a couple of days a week. After dropping them off I came home sat down, enjoyed a cup of coffee and watched the Today show. I then had the most leisurely shower I have taken in, perhaps a year. And it was incredible. I came out feeling like a new woman. It may have been the fact that I shaved my legs unhurriedly and didn’t miss nearly as many spots as I normally do. It may have been the fact that I was able to think up some creative writing things that had been floating around my head. It may have been the loud singing echoing through the upstairs. It was me.. I was singing… It doesn’t matter what it was, all that matters is that it was enough. For me.

And perhaps tomorrow it won’t be. And I’ll have to find something new. Maybe I’ll come back to those posts and try and get some ideas. Regardless of how this parenting/self-care thing pans out, I don’t think mothers should be told “you’re doing it wrong” right now. We’re all trying our damnedest here.

Time Management for Mothers: How to include time for Self-Care?

To be very clear, this is not your traditional “how-to” post. I am looking for an answer, not providing one. This is a question that I am sending out into the void hoping for some insight. This concept is something I’m having a hard time getting my head around. I’m not trying to be a martyr. I’m not trying to convince myself or others of what a selfless mother I am. I simply can not figure out what it means and how to do it.

Is getting a haircut self-care? I think it might be. I haven’t one in almost a year. And I DESPERATELY need one. And when I go over the excuses in my head as to why, it really boils down to time. And perhaps a smidge of laziness.

Is going to the doctor considered self-care? Perhaps. If so, I have indulged in that twice this week. I put it off last week and my illness got worse. Why didn’t I go when I first started feeling under the weather? Nikola had been sick and it was inevitable that I was going to get it. As a mom, I think it may just be commonplace that your primary focus is “I’ll be fine. Let’s get baby healthy.” And now, here I am. sick with a virus that has wreaked havoc on my respiratory and digestive system the likes of which I have never seen or experienced. And due to the contagiousness of the virus my mother had to come and pick up Nikola and take him to her house for a couple of days. This is the first time I haven’t been with him overnight and it has been hard. Is having a “night off” from your baby in order to recuperate self-care?

A few months ago, I posted about some terrible migraines I was having. I received messages from friends with helpful tips and one in particular from an accomplished Yoga Therapist with an offer to come in for an appointment. It was so kind and generous of her to reach out. And I wanted to go. I wanted to make an appointment so badly. But I just couldn’t figure out how to move that appointment to the top of my priority list. For whatever reason.

Time management as a mother has got to be one of trickiest parts of the title. Am I willing to sacrifice time with my son on Saturday to go get a haircut, or to go get a massage, maybe go to the movies? There has been this meme floating around that says something like “Society expects women to mother like they don’t work and work like they’re not a mother.” I have a full-time job that I love. By the time I pick up Nikola at daycare and get home its 5:30pm. Nikola has imposed on himself a strict bedtime of 7:00pm. He just passes out, every night, at that time. So Monday through Friday, I get one and half hours with him. That ain’t a lot. I miss him all day long, and then I miss him when he goes to bed. So, when Saturday and Sunday come along, I just don’t want to NOT be with him. There have been so so many weeks where I’ve said “I’m going to go to the movies this weekend. Have some alone time.” but when the weekend rolls around, those plans have gone out the window. I no longer want to go.

Today, there is such an emphasis on self-care. The importance of it, and I believe it is important. This blog is my main source of it. And even then, I can’t find the time or energy to write a post. While I have 23 posts saved to my “draft” folder. The time and energy it takes to complete, edit and post seems daunting. Even impossible. So, how do you all do it? How do you make time for yourself? What kind of priority do you put on your own self-care? I’m looking forward to reading your comments.

Chocolate Chip Zucchini Bread

My news feed has been filled with things about “Self-Care” lately.  Now, admittedly I’m not the most open-minded person I know.  But, it just seemed so ridiculous for a new mom to concern herself with any sort of “Self-Care”.  “How selfish”, I thought.

We had a rough week last week with the baby being sick.  It’s totally thrown his whole sleeping schedule out of whack.  He wakes up very early, doesn’t like to nap, and gets bored easily.  I have been exhausted to a point that I’ve never felt before. My husband asked me last night if I wanted him to take the baby to daycare in the morning. I hesitated, and then said yes. I immediately felt guilty.  I had to work the closing shift today. I went in at 4 and didn’t get home until 2am. I knew I needed sleep but it didn’t matter.  Guilt of a parent is palpable at times.

As my husband pulled out of the driveway this morning, our son in the backseat, I almost ran after him.  I didn’t want the baby to go to daycare. I missed him the second they were out the door. But he needed to.  For all of us.

I had a list a mile long of things that needed to be done today.  Clothes put away, closets cleaned out, carpets washed. Yada, yada, yada. I didn’t get the carpets washed.  That’s on the docket for tomorrow.  Instead I did something I love.  Something I’ve been wanting to do but haven’t had the energy or time in several months.  I tried a new recipe and made something from scratch.

Hello Self-Care

It came out of the oven looking like absolute perfection.  And all was right in the world. It centered me, inspired me, excited me.  I guess this whole Self-Care stuff isn’t such bologna after all.

Tomorrow I’m going to buy a book. Maybe a new cookbook. Reading is another thing I love that I haven’t taken the time to do. And if that isn’t the epitome of optimism for a new mom, well then, I don’t know what is.

Ingredients:

  • 1 1/2 cups All purpose flour
  • 1/2 tsp Baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp Baking soda
  • 1/2 cup Brown sugar, lightly packed
  • 1 tsp Cinnamon
  • 1 pinch Nutmeg
  • 1/2 tsp Salt
  • 1 cup Milk chocolate chips
  • 1/2 cup Sugar
  • 1 tsp Vanilla extract
  • 1/2 cup Canola oil
  • 1/2 cup Greek yogurt, plain
  • 1 cup Shredded Zucchini
  • 1 Egg

Recipe:

  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
  • Butter and flour a 9 x 5 loaf pan and set aside.
  • In a large bowl mix together the flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg.
  • In a separate bowl, whisk together the egg, oil, both sugars, greek yogurt and vanilla extract until combined.
  • Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and fold gently. Do not over mix.
  • Fold in the zucchini and chocolate chips.
  • Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake for 40-50 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
  • Remove from the oven and let cool in the pan for 20 minutes.
  • Take the loaf out of the pan and allow it to cool completely on a wire rack.

If any of you would like to share how you “Self-Care”, I’d love to read it.  Or if you have a good book to recommend, I’m all ears.  Well… Eyes.

Find the original recipe here!